The Clothesline Project is a non-governmental organization created to bring awareness to the issue of violence against women, men and children. For those who have been affected by violence, it is a means of expressing their emotions by decorating a t-shirt. After the shirts have been decorated, they are hung on a clothesline display. The intention of the display is to honor survivors and act as a memorial for victims. It is also intended to aid in the healing process for those who were directly affected and those who have lost someone special to violence. Lastly, the clothesline display is to educate society and promote awareness, as well as to document violent crimes against women. -Wikipedia
I have made t-shirts for the Clothesline Project a couple times in college and recently. I have also seen two displays of the t-shirts exhibit. Some of the shirts are difficult to read because of content, but I feel that the people who write them deserve to have their stories read. These shirts are anonymous and can be healing to make. So, if you want to find a place to participate in the project, either by making a t-shirt, or by simply observing the display, contact your Women’s Center or Women’s Studies department if you are in college and if you are not, contact your local Rape Crisis or Domestic Violence center or organization. I made my t-shirt last year while attending a sexual assault group that meets a couple times a year for about 8 weeks, and it felt good to release some anger and frustration I have with so many years going by, yet still having PTSD that sometimes puts me out of commission. It felt personal when the other members shared their shirts with each other, but it also felt special that we were all in it together, with our pain, unfortunately, but also with our screams for justice, or simply wishes to end sexual violence, mainly perpetrated against women.
We made t-shirts again for the Clothesline Project for the next session of my group. There were only three of us there that day; a smaller than our usual group. I think it was the last day of group, and which ended a little before the holidays. We had a choice of different sizes and colors of t-shirts, as well as fabric markers and puff paints for the project. We also had the choice of keeping the t-shirt or donating it to the project. I never knew we could keep the project. I thought about it for a moment after I heard that and then thought that I write terribly depressing things on my t-shirts that I wouldn't want to take them home. This time, I think, because there were less people, and we were in a better room for making crafts I had time to make 3 t-shirts, rather than the usual one that I make. Last session, as I mentioned above, my t-shirt expressed the anger and frustration of it being 28 years after I was raped the first time and still having bad PTSD, with terrible flashbacks (which have been greatly calmed down by EMDR therapy, a special temporary therapy for trauma victims which I will write about in a future post), crushing depression, had to take a bunch of medication I didn't want to (I am taking a little less now), and having to spend all of my time taking care of my disorder.
This time my t-shirts were not about me. Making these t-shirts can be very healing. You can say absolutely anything and get all of your frustrations out. NO EDITOR! But I was okay at that rare moment so I wrote t-shirts about others. The first t-shirt was written about and dedicated to three little girls, who were 1, 2, and 3 when they were assaulted and I met them. They were clients of mine. The abuse had stunted the development of the 2 and 3-year-old. I still am haunted once in awhile by the words the 3-year-old told me about the assault/s that I had to report as a Mandatory Reporter. I won't say them here. My counselor let me say them to get them out, cuz I held them back from everyone, not wanting to let their minds be disturbed like mine had been. The girls, were luckily staying with lovely foster parents when I met them. The 3-year-old walked me to get my boots on a very snowy day once, like the day I'm writing this. After she had helped me with my boots she hugged me and said she loved me. It was very cold outside, but I was warmed by her comment so much that I wasn't cold the rest of the day. I will always remember those girls and send them good vibes!
The next t-shirt was written about two young girls as well. These were two girls who were 10 and 12. I had never met these girls before. I had simply heard of them, but in some way I feel like we are linked for life, even though the reason is horrific. These girls were raped, like me, and their stories are different than mine. There's something in me pumping empathetic and healing blood into their veins (yes, I know that's not a thing, but use your imagination here), almost like I have to, because these girls and I share the same rapist. After the first man that raped me served his time in jail, which was about 14 years, (and as I've probably mentioned before, that is an almost unheard of time for a rapist to stay in jail) he got out of jail and raped these two girls. I was horrified by this! The only good news is that this rapist ASSHOLE will most likely not hurt anyone else! Because of the crimes committed against those girls, and then his next crime, which really got him the extra time, which was threatening the life of a public official and her family, he got 69 years in jail! Most criminals serve half of their time, which I didn't need to learned at a young age, being thrust into the criminal justice system because of my assault. This ASSHOLE is known for his bad behavior, but even if he got out in half the time he would be approximately eighty-eight years-old. After he was convicted for so many years I wrote the State's Attorney's office and told them that I was the victim from 1990, and he had wrecked my life, and I was so happy about the conviction they had just made and thanked them. I think they sent a small note back if I remember correctly.
I didn't think I would have time to make a third shirt, but I did. Not much time though. So I grabbed the poetry book Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur, which is now a New York Times Best Seller, that I had borrowed and was returning to the group leaders. I had a bunch of post-it notes in many of the pages, and found the poem that spoke to me the most. I'll write it as well as include a picture of the shirt. By the way, the book is powerful, but very thin, and most of the poems, though strong and deep, are very short, so its a fast read. If Blogger would let me use a variety of fonts (perhaps I'll tell you later about my fascination with, and interest in, fonts) I would use a nice one for this poem. There are probably ways to do that, but I am still learning how to use it, especially after Google bought it I think its less user friendly.
the rape will
tear you
in half
but it
will not
end you
- rupi kaur
This was the t-shirt I knew I needed to keep for myself. In the first stanza of the poem it made my experience feel very validated, because that is what it feels like often. But then the second stanza has almost vibrational strength and power; an almost ruthless, stubborn hopefulness. At first I hung this t-shirt in my closet, pointing outward so I could see the words that inspired me. But it didn't take long for it to make me feel like the poem was weights tied around my ankles, sinking me to the bottom of the ocean. It was "the rape will tear you in half," which was too intense to see all the time. They are very true words, but too vivid for me. Then I folded the t-shirt in half so I could only see the words, "but it will not end you," and this felt comforting and made me feel like a strong survivor.
Rupi Kaur is not connected with the topic of the Clothesline Project, but since I mentioned her I wanted to recommend her book, linked, and shown above, but I also want to show a link to a Ted Talk she did. She recited a spoken word poem about her assault, which showed her healing and strength, that was scary, powerful, strong and hopeful. I'll make a link to Kaur's Ted Talk, but if you are a survivor, please know this may be triggering and only watch if you are feeling strong and are with someone else, and don't be afraid to cry.
The Clothesline Project, besides helping victims and survivors, can be very educational and insightful for people who have been fortunate to not have experienced domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, or other kinds of violence. It helps loved ones understand the issue better. And, like I say often, wanting to be inclusive, that men are victims too. Its okay for men to participate in the project as well, writing about a crime that happened to a loved one, or something that happened to them. Men are very much encouraged to see the Project any chance they get. It could help them understand women's experiences. And its good for women, who are the primary victims of these crimes, which is associated rape culture that supports these crimes, to know that men are assaulted as well, even though at much fewer rates. And I would argue that the assault of men, though equally as heinous, are mostly not part of the misogynist rape culture, but part of a culture of violence in general which encompasses rape culture and unfortunately permeates the global community.
Expressing your pain, depression, rage, or many other emotions, and understanding these issues, may be little things, but maybe, just maybe they could be the start of a revolution.
(the pictures from the Clothesline Project are from theclotheslineproject.org)
The next t-shirt was written about two young girls as well. These were two girls who were 10 and 12. I had never met these girls before. I had simply heard of them, but in some way I feel like we are linked for life, even though the reason is horrific. These girls were raped, like me, and their stories are different than mine. There's something in me pumping empathetic and healing blood into their veins (yes, I know that's not a thing, but use your imagination here), almost like I have to, because these girls and I share the same rapist. After the first man that raped me served his time in jail, which was about 14 years, (and as I've probably mentioned before, that is an almost unheard of time for a rapist to stay in jail) he got out of jail and raped these two girls. I was horrified by this! The only good news is that this rapist ASSHOLE will most likely not hurt anyone else! Because of the crimes committed against those girls, and then his next crime, which really got him the extra time, which was threatening the life of a public official and her family, he got 69 years in jail! Most criminals serve half of their time, which I didn't need to learned at a young age, being thrust into the criminal justice system because of my assault. This ASSHOLE is known for his bad behavior, but even if he got out in half the time he would be approximately eighty-eight years-old. After he was convicted for so many years I wrote the State's Attorney's office and told them that I was the victim from 1990, and he had wrecked my life, and I was so happy about the conviction they had just made and thanked them. I think they sent a small note back if I remember correctly.
the rape will
tear you
in half
but it
will not
end you
- rupi kaur
The Clothesline Project, besides helping victims and survivors, can be very educational and insightful for people who have been fortunate to not have experienced domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, or other kinds of violence. It helps loved ones understand the issue better. And, like I say often, wanting to be inclusive, that men are victims too. Its okay for men to participate in the project as well, writing about a crime that happened to a loved one, or something that happened to them. Men are very much encouraged to see the Project any chance they get. It could help them understand women's experiences. And its good for women, who are the primary victims of these crimes, which is associated rape culture that supports these crimes, to know that men are assaulted as well, even though at much fewer rates. And I would argue that the assault of men, though equally as heinous, are mostly not part of the misogynist rape culture, but part of a culture of violence in general which encompasses rape culture and unfortunately permeates the global community.
(the pictures from the Clothesline Project are from theclotheslineproject.org)
Comments
Post a Comment